Love, Loss, and Compulsion
by Tygee
Summary: Rose feels drawn to Christian. She craves his kiss and his bite. What she doesn't know is Isaiah compelled her. Staying away from Christian will slowly drive her crazy. But going to him would destroy Lissa and Dmitri. If you like angst, you'll like this.
1. Chapter 1

**This story will have a lot of twists and turns. It will have all of the major plot points from Mead's books (I do not own Vampire Academy, any of its characters, or Mead's plot points) but I will, of course, put my own spin on things. I hope you enjoy! Also, I have never written a fanfiction in first person before, so we will see how it goes.**

I stared at the Strigoi in horror as he bit Eddie for the third time in two days. This situation was getting really bad really fast. I really, really wished that I had told someone at the ski resort where I was hieing off to. They would have no idea where to look. If we couldn't make it out of this ourselves, we weren't going to be making it out at all.

As the Strigio left, I glanced discreetly at the guards. There were two of them, big and bulky, but human. Thank God for small favors. But Mia and Christian were obviously feeling the strain of being without food, water, or blood; Eddie was a complete mess from all the endorphins; and I figured that if my throat felt like it was on fire Mason couldn't be at the top of his game either. On top of all that, our hands were bound and the Strigoi kept showing up without warning. We are so screwed.

If I could just go back to sleep, I could get help. Their only hope was to get word back to the others and the only way they could do that was through Adrian. I couldn't believe that I hadn't told him where we were the second I saw him in my dream. At this point, I was so worried I couldn't sleep. And with every hour that went by, Mia and Christian got hungrier.

When the Strigoi came back in, I jumped at the chance. Okay, _jumped _wasn't exactly the right term, but I couldn't let Eddie get bit again and the bite might be enough to knock me out. After all, Eddie had been sleeping all day.

I gritted my teeth. It killed me to be polite to a Strigoi but if I wanted him to do as I asked, sacrifices must be made, "Sir? Permission to speak?"

Mason, Christian, and Mia heads whipped around as they stared at me in shock. Mia's mouth actually dropped open, a sight I would have laughed at under normal circumstances.

The Strigoi's eyebrows raised. "Lack of nourishment is teaching you manners? Unexpected, but pleasant. Sure, you may have permission to speak."

I licked my lips, slumped my shoulders, and schooled my expression to make myself look as scared, pathetic, and needy as possible. "I... please... I," I let her voice trail off.

The Strigoi came closer, dropped into a crouch in front of her. "Please what?"

My eyes dropped to his mouth. I hoped the expression on my face was one of longing instead of pure hatred. I opened my mouth, but the Strigoi stopped me with a laugh.

"I thought you were just being gallant before. But you were serious. You really have been bitten before. You crave it, though I doubt you want to. What? Is watching me bite your friend making the cravings stronger? Dehydration lowering your ability to fight it?" He leaned in until I could feel his breath on my neck and I shuddered as true longing shot through me. I had heard that a Strigoi's bite was even more potent than a Moroi's. A part of me screamed to find out, whatever it took. The Strigoi's tongue darted out and lightly stroked my skin. I allowed a small whimper to escape. The Strigoi chuckled. He wrapped my hair around his hand and pulled my head back, wringing a cry of pain from me, as he turned his head to look at Christian and Mia. Christian's eyes were narrowed, the look in them downright murderous while Mia simply looked frightened.

"You going to help slake her cravings, pretty boy?"

Christian growled out, "Leave her the hell alone."

The Strigoi turned back to me. "Is that what you want? Me to leave you alone?"

I shook my head, hoping that Christian would just keep his mouth shut.

"What do you want then, little damphir?"

I flinched as Adrian's nickname rolled off this disgusting creature's tongue. "You. To bite me," I whispered. "Please," I added, my voice breathy, as I imagined killing him, as slowly and painfully as possible.

He smiled a slow smile and leaned in. I could hear Mason shouting something, but all of my focus was on how close Isaiah's teeth were to my skin. I hadn't realized until recently how addicted I had been to Lissa's bite, but now, in this moment, I was fighting the need to lean toward Isaiah. My breathing escalated, my body betraying me as I anticipated his teeth and the blissful feeling that would accompany it. His teeth scraped over my skin and I bit my lip to hold back the moan that threatened to escape as my eyelids fell closed. I stiffened in pain as he bit down, but soon the endorphins flooded my system. It was definitely stronger than a Moroi bite and it quickly drowned out all thought. If my hands had been free, I would have clutched his head to my neck, as it was my head fell back and I whimpered as the feelings of ecstasy swamped me.

On the other side of the room, Christian turned his head away from the sight. Both because watching the Strigoi feeding was making his hunger worse and because he knew Rose wouldn't want any of them to witness her loss of control.

The Strigoi pulled back after what seemed like an eternity and Christian's eyes flicked back to Rose to make sure that she was okay. The Strigoi was whispering something to her and she seemed captivated by whatever he was saying. Then he let her go and rose back up to his full height. He turned back to Christian and smirked. "When you are ready, I suggest you choose her. She'll want it as much as you do."

Christian clenched his teeth as the monster left. His eyes dropped and met Rose's from across the room. Her face showed that she was still out of it, but the hunger in her eyes was evident. She wanted to be bitten as badly as he wanted to bite her.

Slowly, mercifully, I slipped out of consciousness, praying that Adrian would appear.

**. . .**

I blinked awake. I didn't know how long I had been out for. I groaned as I realized that Adrian hadn't shown himself. Instead, I had dreamed of fire. The Strigoi going up in flames, followed soon by the building as they all remained trapped, tied up like pigs going to slaughter. I shook my head, trying to clear the sleep from my mind.

Suddenly, I snapped my head up. _Fire._ I almost cursed aloud but, glancing at the guards, I bit the words back. Why the hell hadn't I thought of magic before now? I turned my gaze towards Christian, who was watching me intently. Actually, he was watching my neck intently. I willed him to keep focused just a little longer.

I cleared my throat. "Excuse me? Can we get some water. My throat is practically on fire." As I said those last words I glanced meaningfully at Christian.

"No talking," one of the guards barked.

I watched Christian carefully and could practically see the light bulb go off over his head. He nodded, almost imperceptibly.

A few moments later, he said, "I'm ready."

"We said no talking," the other guard barked.

"No, I mean, I'm ready. I pick her," he pointed towards me.

"What?" Mason and Mia both said at the same time.

The guards looked at each other. "Should we get the boss?" one of them asked the other.

"Nah, he isn't even here."

The guards took off Christian's flexicuffs and he shook his hands out, trying to get feeling back into them.

"Christian, you can't..." Mia started.

At the same time, Mason yelled, "Christian, don't do this!"

"Shut up," one of the guards barked.

Christian started to advance on me and I prayed that he had a plan. A plan that did not involve killing her and turning Strigoi.

Christian knelt down in front of me and I had the sudden impulse to run my hands over him.What the hell? He bent closer and my attention shifted to his teeth. Fire licked through my veins as I imagined his bite. He pulled his lips back, revealing his fangs and it took all of my willpower not to beg him to give me the bliss my body was so ardently crying out for. He brought his mouth to my neck and licked my skin, causing me to have to bite back a moan before it could escape and embarrass me in front of the others. I stiffened momentarily at the pain as his teeth sank into my neck. Then the endorphins were flooding through me again, somehow even stronger than when the Strigoi had bitten me. Through the feelings of ecstasy, however, a small part of me screamed at the rest of me to stop Christian, to save him, to prevent Lissa from losing him to the darkness.

Moments later, though, I felt the skin of my wrists begin to blister and I realized what he was doing. He pulled back his fangs, but continued lightly sucking at the wound, making it look like he was continuing to drink me dry. The pain in my hands was thankfully lessened by the endorphins from his bite, but I still whimpered quietly as my flesh continued to burn. It wasn't long, however, until the flexicuffs began to melt, becoming soft enough for me to yank my hands free.

As soon as I was free, I attacked the guard closest to me. Then I turned and flattened out the second guard while Christian moved to remove the cuffs from the rest of their group. He then dragged the guards to the wall and cuffed them.

Peeking out the door, I saw no signs of anyone in the hallway. Turning to Mason, I told him that I was going to scout ahead and that if anything went wrong, he was to focus solely on getting the rest of the group out into the sunlight, into safety. He, of course, argued. He wanted to be the scout, but I was adamant and he ultimately capitulated to my will, which was still stronger than his even in my weakened state. I took a deep breath and slowly opened the door.

**. . .**

I groaned as I gained consciousness and pain ripped through my body. For a moment, I prayed for the darkness to come back, to take away the pain. Then I heard Mia's voice calling my name. When I noticed the panic in her tone, instincts kicked in and I blinked my eyes open.

"Oh thank God," Mia exclaimed. "Would you believe that none of these people have phones on them? I checked. I don't know where they stashed ours. Christian is out cold after that bitch bit him, Eddie is barely conscious and completely incoherent. Mason," she stopped dead.

"Is dead," I said, forcing the words past a lump in my throat. "He's dead." I tried to sit up but Mia pushed down on my shoulder.

"No, no, don't get up. We have to figure out how to stop the bleeding before you try running around."

I looked down at myself and noted the gash on my thigh and the gaping hole in my side. I closed my eyes as I remembered what had caused them. Elena's sword had sliced the gash through my leg. Elena had been going after Christian, who had run into the house just as I had plunged the glass into Isaiah's heart. Before he could even react- not that I think he could have done much anyway as weak as he was- Elena had sunk her teeth into his neck. I ran for the fireplace, grabbed one of the swords, and sank it into her side before I had even had a chance to really think. My only focus was getting her away from Christian. Elena had dropped to the ground and as I drew back to swing the sword at her, Elena's hand had whipped up and cut my thigh open with a piece of glass. A moment later, I was hacking into her neck.

My mind came back to the present as I felt a burning sensation in my side. I hissed in pain as I focused on Mia, who was leaning over me. She jumped back, alarmed.

"What the hell?" Mia cried. Then she leaned close and squeezed her fist in the air over my side. The burning sensation came again.

"What the hell are you doing?" I demanded. "That fucking hurts."

"It's... it's..." she stopped and scrambled over to Eddie, who was sitting propped up against the wall. She squeezed her fist over the bite marks on his neck. "Nothing," she breathed. She looked back at me. "It's just you."

"What? What are you talking about?" I demanded, louder this time.

"I... you aren't even gonna believe this, but I think... I think my blood just, well, healed you. A little. But not Eddie. It didn't help him."

I stared at her incredulously for a moment and then rolled my eyes. "Great, another shadow-kissed anomaly. Just what I needed."

Mia moved back to my side as I pushed myself into a sitting position, ignoring the screaming pain ripping through my side as I did so. "No, seriously," Mia said. She held her hand out over the wound.

"No," I said, knocking her hand out of the way. "I believe you. God knows all kinds of weird things happen around me. Including weird side effects. So God knows what your blood in my system will do. No more. No thanks. I'll deal with it. Speaking of blood, you need some. And we need to try and wake up Christian. Neither of us can carry him in the state we are in." I kept my mind focused on what needed to be done. I'd dwell on the events of the last few days later.

"As I was searching for a phone, I took some blood from the guards tied up downstairs. I am fine. Other than the small cut on my palm and my dry throat from lack of water, there is nothing wrong with me."

"Okay. So. Are there any vehicles outside?"

"I don't know. I can look." Mia stood up.

"No, no. You work on getting Christian to wake up. I'll look." The last thing I needed was Mia to go outside and run into more enemies. I pushed myself to my feet. Mia watched me, a worried expression on her face as I swayed slightly. "I'm fine," I reassured her. I stepped forward and bit my lip, hard, to keep from groaning aloud as the wound in my leg burned from the movement. I kept walking.

30 minutes later, Christian was in one of the captain seats in the middle of the van they had found parked out front. Mason was laid out on the bench seat in the very back. Mia and I were just coming out of the house with Eddie when we heard a car come up the drive.

I pushed Mia back into the house. "Stay inside with Eddie," I ordered. Then I stepped outside and hid behind a large potted plant that was on the porch of the house. My crouched position made my leg scream in pain, but I ignored it, focusing on the SUV pulling up into the shade of the porch.

A man stepped out of the backseat. He was covered nearly head to toe in black cloth, sunglasses covering his eyes. He stopped at the passenger side door. "Pull the car around to the back and then meet me inside," he told whoever was inside the vehicle. Then he turned and began climbing the porch steps.

He had to be Strigoi, considering his state of dress. It was rare to see a Strigoi out and about during the day, even covered as he is, but it had been known to happen. All they really needed was a driver that could be in the sun. I prepared myself, and just as he passed me, I sprung. With no weapon, the only thing I could hope to do is either break his neck and then hack it off with the sword inside or rip off his head covering and throw him into the sun. As I landed on his back, I wrapped my hands around his head but, before I could give it a hard twist, he brought his head down and swung his body so that my body was slammed into the side of the house. This caused the breath to be knocked out of me and I lost my grip on him slightly, which was all he needed to pull me up and over his shoulder to land hard on the porch.

I had managed to keep his head covering tight in my fist, so I could now see the top part of his head. As he moved forward to grab me, moving almost faster than I could track, I brought my legs up just in time to catch him in the chest and send him tumbling down the porch steps. I bounded down the stairs and, as my feet hit the hard packed dirt, he staggered to his feet, obviously stunned a bit from his tumble. That was all I needed. I spun and delivered a flawless roundhouse kick to his chest, followed by a hard front kick that pushed him into the sunlight. As his head began to smoke he tried to throw himself forward, back into the shade of the porch, but I shoved him, causing him to land heavily on his back.

As he began to scream and burst into flames, I yelled for Mia. I didn't know how many other people had been in the SUV and they were in no condition to handle more trouble. I could feel my leg trying to buckle under me as I stood, panting over the third Strigoi I had killed that day. Mia came rushing out of the house with Eddie's arm slung over her shoulders. I limped to the bottom of the stairs. As Mia got to me, I tried to help take some of Eddie's weight, but Mia waved me off. I didn't argue. I was barely able to hold myself up.

Moments later, we were settling Eddie in the seat next to Christian's, I had climbed in the passenger seat, and Mia was starting the engine. As we turned around in front of the house, we heard yelling. Three men were running out the front door of the house. Mia gunned it, a cloud of dust rising behind the van as it raced away from the house. The men began to shoot. A couple of the shots pinged off of the back of the van, but soon we were well away from the house.

"Do you know how to get back to the resort?" I asked Mia.

Mia nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I remember from the bus ride here. It's pretty simple."

"Okay. Just, if I fall asleep, wake me when we get close, okay?"

Mia nodded.

"Okay." And, with that, I fell asleep.

**Please take just a moment and review to let me know what you think. All reviewers will get a preview of the next chapter as a thank you! You can expect an update approximately once a week, more often if I can find the time.**


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter is a bit short, but I liked it as it was. I am already starting work on the next one, though :)**

A scream rent the air and I jumped awake, looking around frantically. Mia was yelling, Eddie was cursing, and something large kept ramming into my seat. I quickly twisted around. My mouth actually dropped open as I took in the scene in the back of the van. Christian, who had gone back to sleep almost instantly after they had gotten him in the van, was awake and, fangs bared, was attacking Eddie.

After a bare second of gaping, I threw myself into motion. Christian was grasping Eddie's shoulders and pulling him toward him as Eddie wrapped his hands around Christian's neck, trying to hold him off. I managed to wedge myself between the two and, shoving at Christian as hard as I could, I succeeded in sending him reeling backwards. I grabbed a hold of his face with both hands and, shoving my face into his, I screamed, "Stop!" as loud as I possibly could.

Thankfully, it seemed to do the trick. Christian froze, staring at me, and after a moment his mouth snapped shut as his eyes widened in horror. As I watched him, I realized that he probably hadn't actually been fully awake. Most likely, in his state of exhaustion and hunger, he had sort of woken up and reacted to the strong smell of blood coming off of Eddie.

"I am so sorry," Christian whispered. I quirked an eyebrow, "No! Say it isn't so. The great Christian Ozera is sorry?" My attempt at humor earned a giggle from Mia, but Christian didn't seem to find it funny. I shrugged. "Okay, well, Eddie, you take the passenger seat now and I'll sit back here with Christian."

"We're only about 10 miles away from the resort at this point," Mia informed me as Eddie and I settled into our new positions.

"When we get there, tell everyone to stay back and bring feeders. With Christian and," I swallowed, "and Mason in the van, we really don't need a bunch of people swarming around making a lot of noise and fussing over everything."

"Alright," Mia replied and Eddie chimed in, "You got it."

As we pulled into the ski resort parking lot, they did not see a single soul. Probably because it was after midnight. But as Mia and Eddie stepped out of the van, people came running out of the front of the resort. I recognized some of my Damphir classmates as well as a few Guardians. More would be here soon, I knew.

A couple of Guardians stepped towards the van, probably to search it, but Mia and Eddie stepped in front of him. "Everyone is to stay back. And bring us a few feeders, quickly," Mia ordered.

The Guardians hesitated, unsure. "You heard what she said. Until Hathaway says otherwise, you are to step back."

One of the Guardians spoke up, "Guardian Hathaway knows about this?" He sounded skeptical but Eddie brought his chin up and held his ground, saying nothing. Two of our classmates, also guardians in training, stepped up beside Eddie. They must have decided to back him up, although I had no idea why they would. Regardless of the reason, it worked and the Guardians backed up.

I then spotted a small group hurrying towards us. Eddie opened the passenger door and poked his head in. "The feeders are here."

I nodded and then looked to Christian. "You, feeding. It could get difficult, with you starving like you are. I'll need to put protections in place." Gently, suddenly feeling protective, I added, "Are you going to be alright with that?"

Christian sat very still and stared into my eyes for what felt like forever. Then he nodded.

"Okay," I said and opened the sliding door of the van. Gritting my teeth and bracing myself for the pain I knew would come, I stepped out of the van. My leg almost buckled as I put weight on it, but I refused to show weakness. Not until everything was taken care of. I had made it this far. I waited as Christian climbed out and then I spoke, loudly enough for the small crowd that had gathered to hear. "We were captured by Strigoi. They starved us, which as you all know is especially difficult for Moroi." I nodded to Eddie, who whispered to the two guys that had volunteered to stand between us and the crowd. The two of them stepped up on either side of Christian. Christian's eyes were locked on mine. I couldn't have looked away if I tried. My entire world, in that moment, had come down to the pride, pain, and utter desperation in his eyes.

"You ready?" I asked quietly. After a few more moments, Christian nodded curtly and the two Guardians-in-training grabbed his arms. "Send one of the feeders forward," I ordered. I really wished this didn't have to be done so publicly, but I was afraid of what would happen if we let him walk into the resort. He looked feverish, half mad, like he was fighting to keep any semblance of sanity. Starvation, exhaustion, being bitten, and using magic had all taken a terrible toll. My heart ached for him as he transferred his gaze from me to the feeder and began to lunge forward before throwing himself backward, causing the men holding him to have to scramble to regain their balance. He looked completely panicked now. Stepping up beside the feeder, I reached my hand out, laid it along the side of his face, and wove my fingers through his hair just enough to give me a small grip on his head. His eyes snapped back to mine.

"I will not let you do any serious damage to her, do you hear me? I won't. I promise." His eyes continued to show panic and his head shook back and forth slightly. It was heart wrenching to see such a proud man in such a state. It would kill him later that everyone had seen this. I wrenched my thoughts back to the task at hand. I had to focus. "Do you trust me?" I gripped his hair tighter when he didn't answer. "Do you trust me?"

His head nodded, just once, but it was enough. "Then, while you may not trust yourself, believe in me. I've got your back." I brought my head closer to his. "I've got you. Okay?"

He nodded again and I stepped back, careful to put my weight on my good leg. Slowly, carefully, his eyes never leaving mine, he leaned forward and sank his teeth into the girls neck. My eyes dropped to where his mouth sucked and I had to swallow hard as a desperation I didn't fully understand ran through me.

Suddenly, Christian jerked back and the feeder cried out in pain as his teeth tore flesh. "I'm sorry," Christian said automatically. But his eyes were still on me. "Rose?"

My eyes snapped up from his mouth to his eyes and I visibly shook myself. "Sorry. Sorry."

"It's okay." I glanced to Eddie, whose face was sympathetic, and then to one of the guys that was holding Christian, who looked very confused, before my gaze settled back on Christian's.

Bringing my chin up, I switched into Guardian mode. I shut down all feelings, pushed out the intense longing running through me, banished thoughts of everything but the task before me. "Next feeder please," I said, happy with how steady my voice was.

Christian looked concerned but he said nothing. As the next feeder stepped in place, his gaze shifted to her neck, and he once again looked desperate, barely sane. He pulled his eyes back to meet mine. I nodded, letting him know I was fine. I would be strong. I would help him through this. _They come first._ The phrase had become a mantra that I had repeated to myself so many times over the last day to give myself the strength to keep going. _They come first._

Christian leaned forward and sank his teeth into the second feeder. This time, I kept my gaze locked on his. After a while, I said softly, "Enough," and, after a moment he pulled back. Looking at the girl in front of him, he thanked her. Then he announced that he had enough blood for now and really wanted some real food. I barely heard him. The low buzzing noise I had been hearing since I woke up in the van was getting louder. I felt like the ground was tilting slightly as well. I knew I was coming to the end of my rope at this point so I turned to Eddie.

"Make sure you get yourself taken care of." I told him. Then I turned to Christian. "Christian, make sure that you find out where the people in charge want Mason to be transferred to." Behind me, I heard a commotion. Turning, I saw my headmistress, Dmitri, my mother, and Lissa rushing out of the resort. The buzzing increased as Lissa's emotions slammed into me. Half turning back towards Christian, I said, "Christian? Catch me." A moment later, I felt myself falling as the blackness took over.

**Please take just a moment and review to let me know what you think. All reviewers will get a preview of the next chapter as a thank you! You can expect an update approximately once a week, more often if I can find the time.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Christian's POV**

Scooping Rose up in my arms, I began to move toward the ski resort. Lissa, Dmitri, Guardian Hathaway, and Headmistress Kirova stepped in front of me. "Where should I take her?" I demanded.

"How extensive are the injuries?" Hathaway asked.

Mia stepped up next to us. "The gash in her leg is pretty deep. Elena, one of our Strigoi captors, slashed it with glass while Rose was trying to get her away from Christian. I'm not sure how she got the wound in her side, but it looks like she was stabbed with something. Probably happened while she was fighting Isaiah. She's also been bitten."

"Twice," I added, shame swirling through me at the memory. I'd tried to summon the magic before biting her, but I didn't have the strength. So I had stolen Rose's. I shifted impatiently as the group stared at us for a few seconds as they processed what we were telling them. We needed to get Rose help and I didn't like standing around. "Where should I take her?" I asked again, more forcefully.

"We don't have anyone here with us that can handle that extensive of injuries," Dmitri said.

"Well, we can't take her to a hospital. How would we explain it?" I asked.

"I'll fix it," Lissa said firmly, stepping forward.

"That is not a good idea, Ms. Dragomir. Your health must be our first priority," Headmaster Kirova said.

"Like hell it is," Mia fumed. "After she hacked off two Strigoi's heads- one of whom, I might add, was so old that Mason put six bullets in his chest and didn't even make him flinch- and after she was seriously wounded, she went and fought another Strigoi with no weapons at all. Why? To protect all of us. She protected two Moroi, an injured dhampir, and Mason's dead body with everything she had. And she got us home in one piece. We were lucky that Christian and I at least had a little training in offensive magic or the odds against her would have been so high that you may have never found any of our bodies. Or maybe you would have found yourself in a battle against us after we were turned against our will. And now you are telling me we have to, what? Hope she makes it all the way back to the Academy? She was injured over four hours ago. If Lissa can help her, she damn well better. Because all she does with her entire life is help us. Lissa owes her. I owe her. We all owe her."

Dmitri, Headmistress Kirova, and Hathaway stared at her. I gave her a nod of approval. Lissa stepped forward "It is my decision and I am going to heal her," she informed them. "I don't want to hear another word about it." She looked at me, "Take her to her room. We'll do it there."

I nodded and moved past everyone. Rose stirred and I looked down, but after a moment she settled again. I stared into her face for a few moments. She had managed more today than some Guardians that had been on the job 20 years. I was really happy in that moment that Lissa would have such a great Guardian. I also had the urge to protect Rose from the world. I shook my head and focused on where I was going, unnerved by the thought.

**Dmitri POV**

The last couple days had been hell. Not only was I frantic with worry, but I had to pretend that I didn't care more about Rose then any of the others, I had to keep my head and not show any more emotion than would be normal from a teacher. It was killing me.

I was sitting wearily on a couch, head in my hands when a student skidded to a halt in front of me. "Guardian Belikov, they're back."

I brought my head up, "Who?"

"Mia and Eddie and the rest."

I scrambled out of my seat, my usual grace gone. "Take me to them, quickly," I ordered and they took of running with me close on their heels. Please be okay, Roza, I prayed, for what seemed like the hundredth time.

As we got to the front doors of the resort, we ran into Lissa, Headmistress Kirova, and Rose's mom, who were all hurrying in the same direction we were. We had just gotten outside when we spotted Ozera carrying Rose. All of my focus immediately went to Rose, assessing her as best I could for injuries. There was blood all over her. I prayed that it was someone else' because there was too much of it for anyone to survive losing so much.

"Where should I take her?" Ozera barked, clearly agitated.

Guardian Hathaway inquired as to the extent of Rose's injuries. Mia's answer made me sick. I didn't even have a clear idea yet as to what happened, but the idea of Rose fighting Strigoi made me want to scream. Every instinct in my body told me to take her away, protect her from harm. My pride in how strong she is was overshadowed by the panic I felt as seeing her so hurt.

Ozera again asked where he should take her and I responded, "We don't have anyone here with us that can handle that extensive of injuries." What were we going to do now? She clearly needed help right now.

When Lissa offered to help, relief washed through me, followed quickly by guilt that I was willing to put her mental health second to Rose's well being. Besides the fact that as a Guardian the Moroi should be my first priority, especially Lissa, I knew Rose would want Lissa protected more than she would want healed.

I realized I had zoned out and I refocused on what was being said. Mia was obviously angry and was speaking very passionately about something. "After she was seriously wounded, she went and fought another Strigoi with no weapons at all. Why? To protect all of us. She protected two Moroi, an injured dhampir, and Mason's dead body with everything she had." My heart dropped as I realized she was talking about Rose. As capable as she was, fighting a Strigoi with no weapons was almost impossible. Even though she had already made it through the fight alive, cold fear still shivered over my skin at the thought. And Mason was dead. I wasn't sure if Rose was serious about him or if she was just trying to move on, but the image of her fighting to keep Strigoi away from her boyfriend's dead body was heart wrenching. I shook myself and forced myself to refocus yet again on what was being said. Mia was still talking, "She was injured over four hours ago. If Lissa can help her, she damn well better. Because all she does with her entire life is help us. Lissa owes her. I owe her. We all owe her."

Lissa stepped forward, "It is my decision and I am going to heal her," she informed us. "I don't want to hear another word about it." She then told Ozera to take Rose to her room. As Ozera moved forward, I turned to follow them. I couldn't bear to let Rose out of my sight. Not until I knew she was okay.

**Rose POV**

"You going to help slake her cravings, pretty boy?" Isaiah asked Christian. My hair was wrapped around his hand, my scalp throbbing.

"Leave her the hell alone." Christian's voice shook. He was probably wanting to stake this guy as much as I do.

The Strigoi turned back to me. "Is that what you want? Me to leave you alone?"

I shook my head, imagining what his face would look like as I killed him.

"What do you want then, little damphir?"

How dare this son of a bitch use Adrian's nick name? I mean, I'm not overly fond of Adrian's annoying persistence in flirting with me but he is a thousand times better than this creature. I forced the words past my lips, "You. To bite me," I whispered. "Please," I added, my voice breathy, as I imagined killing him, as slowly and painfully as possible.

He smiled a slow smile and leaned in. Suddenly, my breathing escalated and I hated it. My focus centered completely on how close his teeth were to my skin. I leaned forward, cursing my body as it betrayed me. His teeth scraped over my skin and I had to use every inch of willpower I had left to stop myself from begging him to hurry. I stiffened in pain as he bit down, but soon the endorphins flooded my system. The small part of me that could think past the total ecstasy flooding my system was sickened at how much I wanted this. To want a Strigoi near me was the biggest crime I could think of.

The Strigoi pulled back after what seemed like an eternity. "Look at me," he whispered. I opened my eyes, struggling to pull my thoughts together. "The longer Mr. Ozera chooses to stay away from you, the more you are going to crave him. His bite, his touch, everything, but you won't understand why because you won't remember this. It will slowly drive you insane until he gives in." He broke eye contact and sat back as I struggled to figure out what was going on. "This should be a good show," he told me before standing up. I stared at him, confused, but I was so tired.

He turned to Christian and smirked. "When you are ready, I suggest you choose her. She'll want it as much as you do."

I saw Christian's teeth clench as the monster left. His eyes dropped and met mine. Desire flashed through me and my eyes dropped to his mouth. Startled, I pulled my gaze away. Before I could figure out what had happened, though, I was dropping off to sleep.

A moment later, I gasped and sat up. Lissa was standing by my bed and she gently pushed my shoulder to get me to lie down. She was saying something, but I ignored her, desperate to remember the dream I had been having. It was something important, I knew it was. But the harder I tried to hold on to the dream, the more it slipped away, like sand squeezed in someone's fist.

"You're awake." Dmitri's voice instantly caught my attention.

I looked up and smiled. "Dmitri." I was so happy to see him. I had been sure I would never see him again.

"We were worried there for a while."

I turned my head toward the door of my room. My eyes locked on his. Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than for him to come much, much closer. "Yeah, well, I probably wouldn't have made it without Moroi magic. Thank you for your help back there. Don't know what I would do without you, Christian."

**The chapter's have been a little short, I know, but when I find a good stopping point, I like to leave it as it is and post. I've already started the next chapter. It'll be up as soon as possible, but if you review I will send you the beginning!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the short hiatus. I have a lot going on. Found out my ten year old sister needs heart surgery and I am in the middle of a semester in grad school.**

**I hope you really enjoy the chapter. I will try to have the next one up faster!**

_I turned my head toward the door of my room. My eyes locked on his. Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than for him to come much, much closer. "Yeah, well, I probably wouldn't have made it without Moroi magic. Thank you for your help back there. Don't know what I would do without you, Christian."_

The last sentence rang in my ears. It should have been 'don't know what I _would have _done without you'_, _past tense. But I couldn't correct myself without drawing more attention to the mistake. What was I even thinking? I was obviously still out of it, making something out of nothing. I shook my head and turned my gaze back to Dmitri. He stepped closer.

"We should talk soon," he said.

I nodded, melting a little at the warmth in his eyes.

Lissa spoke up, "Christian and I need food anyway. You two can talk and I'll be back to check on you." She patted my hand before heading towards the door.

Christian moved into the room instead of out of it and Lissa tugged on his hand. "Come on, Christian. Let us give them some space to talk about Guardian things."

Christian continued to hesitate, his eyes locking on mine. "You'll be okay? You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to."

I was taken aback by the concern written plainly in his expression. I felt warmth spread through me as I sensed a kind of connection between us that didn't exist before. I guess tragedy really does bring people closer. I gave him a small, reassuring smile. "I'll be fine, Christian." Still, he hesitated. "Really," I assured him. "But thanks. You know, for caring."

His face went blank, his chin came up, and he gave me a sharp nod. As soon as the door closed behind him, I laughed.

"What is funny?"

"Did you see his reaction? The second I suggested he cared, he closed up and became stern." I turned toward Dmitri. "Sound like anyone you know?"

Dmitri sat down next to me, surprising me. He rarely came so close to me outside of our fighting sessions. He surprised me even more when he reached out and twisted a lock of my hair around his finger. "I thought I had lost you, Roza."

My heart sped up at the sound of the nickname. I heard it so rarely. I always missed this side of him, the side that I liked to think belonged only to me. I reached out and clasped his free hand between my own. "I always survive. One way or another."

His gaze dropped to the still healing wounds on my neck. "Barely, this time," he whispered, his voice sounding raw, choked.

My eyes widened. It was rare to see any emotion in Dmitri's face, but this- he looked haunted. If I didn't know better I would even say there was fear in his eyes. I brought a hand up to his face, cradling his cheek. "Dmitri, what is it? What's wrong?"

Dmitri pulled my hand from his face and held it. Tipping his head forward, he leaned his forehead against mine. "I thought, I thought that if I put distance between us, if I told you to move on, that I could stop myself from loving you. Because I can't love you and guard Lissa. If I love you, I'll put your life before hers and I can't do that. But then you went missing and I could barely function. That's when I realized that it's already a lost cause. If it was your life or hers I wouldn't hesitate."

My mind whirled as I tried to comprehend what he was telling me. He pulled back slightly so that he could look into my eyes. His hands came up to frame my face. "Don't ever put me through that again, you understand? I can't do that again."

I nodded. I couldn't stand the pain in his voice. We sat there like that, staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, I cleared my throat and spoke, "What does all of this mean?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

A knock sounded on my door. Dmitri pulled away and stood up as the door swung open. Lissa glided into the room, graceful as ever. Dmitri glanced back at me, "We'll talk more later, okay?"

I nodded and he left. Lissa came and sat down beside me.

**. . .**

The next two days passed in a blur as we all packed up and traveled back to the Academy.

I steeled myself for the moment I had been avoiding ever since getting back. The moment when I had to look Mason's parents in the eye and explain to them how I had failed to bring their son safely home. How he had died trying to save me.

Slowly, I walked to the front driveway of the Academy. His parents would be here any minute now. Dmitri had tried to convince me not to come, had said it wasn't my responsibility. But he didn't understand. No one did, except for those of us that were there. We had kept our account of what happened as simple as possible. The pitying looks we were getting were bad enough. We knew if people knew the whole story, the situation would quickly become unbearable. Gossip about Christian's family had just started to fade away due to his relationship with Lissa. People had just recently quit making blood whore comments about me after finding out Liss used to drink from me. Plus, everyone would be horrified to learn that the Moroi had used magic and Eddie had been used as a feeder. Keeping quiet was the best option for everyone involved, even if it meant that I felt an acute sense of isolation. Liss and Dmitri meant well, they just didn't have any idea what the experience had been like.

I stopped by the drive, standing apart from the small group waiting for Mason's parents. My mother's voice rang out. "Rose, what are you doing here? You should be in bed."

She began walking toward me, but pulled up short when a black car came into view. I straightened my shoulders as the car rolled to a stop, almost directly in front of me. Mason's mother stepped out first. I had met her once and had found her a very nice lady who spoiled Mason horribly.

My mother briskly walked towards us, but Mason's mom didn't pay any attention. She walked up and, to my surprise, enfolded me in a hug. I patted her back awkwardly, unsure of what to do. She pulled away and clasped my hands in hers. "Are you alright? I heard you were gravely injured."

I had to swallow down the lump in my throat before I could respond. My mother took that opportunity to jump in. "She is quite alright. If you would like to follow me, we will get you settled in." Pretending she hadn't spoken, I responded, "I am fine. Thanks to Mason. I wouldn't be here without him. I am terribly, terribly sorry. I tried to protect him, but," I broke off. Her son was dead. The last thing she needed to hear was excuses.

"My son has always done what he thinks is right and is unstoppable once his mind is made up. I am just glad that you made it back alright. He talked about you all the time. You pushed him to be better, inspired him. He thought you were wonderful, and so do I." Tears filled her eyes and the lump in my throat grew bigger. "I heard about how you defended his body, despite the wounds you sustained doing so. Thank you."

Tears escaped my eyes and trailed down my face. "It was an honor to be his friend." She nodded and gave me another hug. She then turned to my mother. "Alright, let's go."

My mother nodded. Before turning to leave, she glanced at me and something that looked suspiciously like pride lit her eyes. As she walked away, I gave myself a mental shake. It must have been a trick of the light. I had never been anything but a nuisance to my mother. Pride was not something she was capable of feeling where I was concerned.

A hand settled lightly on my back and I jumped, twisting around. I suddenly found myself staring into Christian's eyes, his face barely a foot from my own. "Are you alright?" he asked.

My gaze dropped to his mouth as my breathing became slightly erratic. Quickly, I looked away and tried to get myself under control. What the hell was happening to me?

"Rose?" he prompted. I snapped my attention back to his eyes. I ruthlessly reigned in my wayward emotions. Raising my chin, I responded. "You keep asking questions like that, Ozera, and I will be forced to assume you have decided to like me."

As I predicted, the concern disappeared behind an unreadable mask. After a moment of studying her eyes, however, his expression abruptly changed again, a smile tipping up one corner of his mouth. "You and I are more alike than I thought. I just might decide to start liking you after all." With that enigmatic remark, he walked away.

I stood, frozen, as I thought over the two strange conversations. Dmitri appeared by my side. "Are you alright, Roza?" he asked, worry evident in his tone.

I pasted a smile on my face. "Yes, I'm fine." I could tell he didn't believe me, but he did not call me out on it, for which I was thankful. It had already been an exhausting day and it was only noon.

**. . .**

I somehow made it through Mason's funeral and my Molnija ceremony. As I walked across campus, I tried to ignore the whispers and stares. I was going to meet Christian and fulfill my duties as his Guardian. Field training would hopefully help keep my mind off of everything.

As I caught sight of Christian, my heart rate sped up. This had been my reaction to him every time I'd seen him in the last week. I wondered if Lissa's feelings for him were leaking through the bond. I certainly had no better explanation for the unsettling phenomenon.

"Hey, Rose. Liss and I were just heading over to feed. Then we'll go eat some real food, okay?"

I tore my gaze away from his mouth. I nodded, suddenly becoming preoccupied with a bit of dirt on my sleeve.

A few minutes later, I was standing beside Christian while he waited in line for a feeder. I was thankful that he wasn't one for small talk. It took way more concentration that it should have for me to not focus on any of the Moroi feeding. I hoped that the cravings caused by our little trip would go away soon. I glanced over to Eddie where he was standing with Lissa and saw he was resolutely staring at the ground. Apparently I wasn't the only one struggling.

Christian stepped up to feed. Every ounce of my attention immediately became focused on his fangs as he bared them and then bit. Intense longing shot through my body. The rest of the world faded away. All I could see was his hands wrapped around the woman's shoulders, his teeth buried in her neck. I wanted his hands on me so bad my chest hurt. I needed him to bite me more than I needed my next breath. A hand settled on my shoulder and jerked me back to reality. I spun around, hands raised, ready to attack.

The person the hand belonged to backed up, hands raised. "It's just me Rose," Eddie said, concern creasing his forehead.

I glanced around wildly as I realized where I was. People were staring at me, whispering to each other. I knew I looked completely crazy. Christian was watching me warily, looking just as concerned as Eddie. "I, I have to go," I told Eddie. I then turned and quickly left the building.

As soon as I stepped outside, I began to run. Before I had even gotten three steps, someone grabbed my arm. I jerked to a stop and turned, suddenly finding myself captivated by the bluest pair of eyes I have ever seen. Turning, I began to lift my hand to his face before I realized what I was about to do and jerked my hand back down. Christian slid his hand down from where it was gripping my arm until he engulfed my hand with his own.

"What's going on, Rose? You look like you've seen a ghost."

My mind screamed at me to pull my hand back, but I couldn't stand to lose contact with him. My mind scrambled to understand the emotions careening through my body. I felt like my entire world had narrowed down to this man. Just the thought of walking away from him made my body scream out in agony. All I wanted to do was drown my senses in him.

"Rose? Are you okay?" Lissa's voice sounded like it was very far away. "Rose?" I slowly turned towards her, feeling like I was underwater, my movements delayed, my hearing muffled.

Christian dropped my hand and everything came into sharp focus. Sounds became clearer and I noticed how worried Lissa looked.

"I'm fine. Really. I just was thinking of Mason, that's all. I... I just really want to go for a run, shake things off." Bracing myself, I turned towards Christian. Emotions threatened to overwhelm me again, but I ruthlessly shoved them down. "I know it's against protocol with this field training stuff, but do you think that I could catch up with you in like an hour, after you've eaten breakfast?"

Lissa answered before Christian could. "I actually want to steal him for some alone time after we eat, so why don't you just meet up with us for lunch?"

I nodded, barely hearing her. It took effort for me to turn away from Christian. My walk quickly turned into a jog my sole goal to put as much distance between myself and Christian as possible. If I was honest with myself, I had first noticed these feelings as I fought to keep him from Eddie in the van. They had gotten worse and worse since. It was out of control, insane. Liss would kill me if she knew. Christian would be revolted. Soon, I worked myself up to a full-fledged run, moving as fast as I could. I just wanted to outrun the crazy feelings for Christian, the pain of losing Mason, the disconcerting changes I had noticed since the trip. I could swear my canine's were a little sharper. Not as sharp as a Moroi, but different than before. Or maybe I was just being paranoid- when Mia's blood had healed me, I'd panicked. I don't want to be different than everyone else. I just want to blend in and quit having to deal with people's whispers. As my thoughts swirled, I kept running. I ran until I was too tired to run anymore. Collapsing on the ground, I was careful to not think of Chrisitian. Of all of my worries, the weird feelings for him were the scariest.

I was exhausted and I allowed myself to drift off until I was only half awake. Lissa's emotions spiked and before my half-conscious mind could stop it, I'd been pulled into her mind.

_Lissa pulled Christian in for a kiss. Christian pulled back a few inches, "Liss, what are we going to do about Rose? She ran out of there like a bat out of hell."_

_Lissa sighed and began unbuttoning Chistian's shirt. "You all have been through a lot. She probably started thinking about Mason. Or Eddie. Who could blame her for freaking out a little? If I were a damphir that spent three days with a Strigoi treating me and my friends like dinner entrees, I would be a bit horrified to be in a feeding room too." She slid her hands down his chest and his eyes drifted shut. Leaning forward, Lissa began dropping kisses along his jaw and he sighed in pleasure._

_In the next instant, Christian was pushing Lissa back against the wall behind her. His arms wrapped tight around her back as his mouth crushed hers. There was a ripping sound and Lissa's shirt was being thrown to the ground. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once, sliding over her skin._

As I watched the scene, I became aware of my own reactions. My heartrate was galloping at an alarming rate, my breathing was ragged, and I felt heat coil tight, low in my belly. I began tugging hard, trying to pull out of Lissa's mind, horrified that I was actually aroused by the events unfolding. I couldn't get out. Not because Lissa's emotions were strong enough to hold me captive as was generally the case when I couldn't free my mind, but because of my own emotions. Part of me was screaming that I needed to get out, that I had no business watching this, let alone getting pleasure out of it. But that part was fast being drowned by the part that needed to feel Christian's kiss, his touch.

Gathering all of my strength, I gave a mighty mental shove and managed to pull myself back to my own surroundings. I tried to shut out Lissa's emotions, but as her excitement rose, her emotions melded and mixed with the arousal still thrumming through my body. This was crazy. Absolutely insane. I began to run again. I could tell by their surroundings that they were in the church. I couldn't believe I was about to interrupt them, but I had to. I couldn't- I wouldn't watch them like some sick voyeur, but I could feel the pull on my conciousness. It was unrelenting, threatening to pull me under. I didn't know how long I would be able to hold out against my own sick cravings. As the church came into sight, I lost the battle, slipping back into Lissa's mind.

_Christian stepped out of his pants. Lissa and him were now clad only in their underwear. "Liss, are you sure about this?" he asked, his voice gravelly._

"_Absolutely," she responded. "When you went missing, it was horrible. I realized that life doesn't come with any guarantees."_

Oh, God. They were about to have sex for the first time. Liss would never forgive me if I interrupted that. I fell to my knees as Christian's fingers slipped under the hem of Lissa's underwear. The incredible amounts of desire sweeping through Lissa and I both made it hard for me to remember how wrong this all was. I should not be observing this.

I felt someone shake my shoulders, calling my name. I once again began to fight to pull myself loose from Lissa. My head jerked back and I found myself staring into Adrian's eyes.

"Rose? Rose?"

"Oh, God, Adrian. I don't know what the hell is happening to me. I'm losing it. Completely losing it." I was babbling, probably not making any sense, but I couldn't seem to stop myself as desire I shouldn't be feeling raged through my body.

"What are you talking about? What's going on?"

"These cravings. They're not normal. They came out of no where. I don't think of him that way. At least, I never have before. It's crazy. I can't be feeling this. I can't be wanting this. God, it'll break Liss's heart. It'll break Dmitri's heart. But I want him so bad I can barely think. I've been fighting it for almost two weeks, but Liss, she's, she's... and I can feel everything she feels. I can't fight her emotions and mine." I felt like screaming, pulling my hair out. Feelings of pleasure kept pouring through me, spiralling higher and higher as I fought to distance myself from Lissa's feelings. It was completely maddening.

"Calm down, calm down. Start at the beginning. When did all this start?"

"When did what start?" I was having trouble following what Adrian was saying, distracted as I was.

"You said you are having cravings. For what?"

I closed my eyes, ashamed. "You can tell me. You can trust me. I'll help you. I swear I will."

"Christian. Everytime I see him, all I can think about is kissing him, his bite. I have to fight not to reach out and touch him, not to beg him to do whatever he wants with me." I stopped, horrified that I had said as much as I did.

Adrian's face remained placid, "When did these cravings start?"

I thought back, thankful for the distraction from what was happening in the church. "I noticed them when we got back to the resort, when Christian fed." A wisp of a memory flickered. I concentrated on it. "No, no, the first time was when we were still in the house. The Strigoi had fed on me. He was taunting Christian. He told him that when he was ready to feed, he should pick me because I would want it just as much as Christian would. Christian looked at me and I felt it for just a moment before I passed out."

"What makes you think the feelings aren't natural? You both went through a terrible ordeal together, after all."

"Before this trip, I had less than zero interest in Chistian," I said, glaring. "And I have felt this kind of desperation before. It's unnatural."

"When have you experienced this before?"

I shifted my eyes away, embarrassed again.

"Rose?" Adrian prompted. "If I'm going to help you, I need all the information."

"I had a spell placed on me. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with desire for... someone. I couldn't think past the desire. Everything was hazy. When the charmed necklace was removed during certain... activities, things suddenly became clearer. That's how I feel when I see Christian- hazy, overwhelmed. But I am not wearing any jewelry."

Adrian studied my face for a few moments, then nodded. He brought his hands up to rest on either side of my face. "We'll figure this out, okay?"

I nodded, hoping to God he was right.

**As usual, if you review, I'll send you the beginning of the next chapter as soon as it's written.**


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